West Ham v Everton: Premier League – live! | Football

“Are there three teams worse? wonders Norrie Hernon. “I’m not sure there are. Watford have been impressive lately, but just lacked the wee bit of luck that Leeds and Brentford have had; Burnley are Burnley, and better and more experienced at all this than Everton. I think they’re in massive trouble.”

No one sensible would disagree with that final point, but points on the board might just save them – especially if they can avoid defeat on Wednesday. Watford’s run-in isn’t much friendlier than theirs.

“What were Everton doing lofting the ball long and high into the West Ham centre backs,” says Noel Fitzpatrick. “After Calvert-Lewin had gone off? Clueless!”

Desperation innit. They don’t have a method on which to rely, so take easy options.

I didn’t have time to note it during the game, but just before the end, Andy Hinchcliffe gave man of the match to Antonio. That’s a more sensible choice than Dawson, but as I said, I’d’ve gone Bowen.

Six defeats in eight for Everton under Lampard; they’re still fourth-bottom, while West Ham move past Spurs and Man United into fifth.

90+5 min The ball comes in, and someone – Godfrey I think – heads over the top.

90+4 min With Richarlison lying prostate on the ground, Cresswell lashes the ball away, knowing he’s either doing so into the man, or missing and catching the man. It’s a bit of both, as it turns out, and he’s lucky to only see yellow. Free-kick Everton, and up comes Pickford…

90+3 min “Curious what David Moyes must make of the current state and plight of Everton given how far they’ve fallen from his tenure,” says Thomas Stratford.

I was actually at moyes’ last game as Man United manager, during which the whole of Goodison sung “Stuck with Moyes, stuck with Moyes, Man United”. He’ll be ok, I imagine.

90+1 min Craig Dawson is named man of the match; no one’s really stood out, but I’d’ve gone for Bowen.

90 min Lovely from Everton, Gordon into Iwobi and nashing down the line to collects a return. But when he comes to dig out a cross, he can’t pick out a man, and West Ham clear.

89 min It’s been quite some time since Everton threatened. They’ve not been that bad today – nowhere near as bad as they were at Palace – but they don’t really know what they’re doing, nor look like they’ve got the goals to save themselves. If they get out of this, it’ll be because there were three teams even worse.

87 min “It’s almost like the Lampardian strategy of blaming everything on his players’ individual errors isn’t stopping the individual errors,” says Jon Collin. “Who knew?”

I guess he did that more because he needed to inspire a reaction that blame someone other than him. I’d also imagine he tried various other methods too, and though I’m far from sure he’s good at this management thing, we can’t really blame him for this mess.

86 min “Re: min 47 and who might’ve made them better,” emails Russell Yong, “the answer is it could have been anyone from the last nine years. If any club should have learned the value of sticking by a manager, it’s Everton. Moyes’s first few years saw some wild swings including finishing 17th the season after finishing 7th, and fluctuating anywhere between 4th and 11th for the rest of his tenure. The lesson should have been that fortunes may fluctuate in the short-term but showing some faith in the name of trust and respecting a plan is better than acting on impulse. Instead Everton have fired every manager who went through some bad form and forced the next manager to rescue them, then cobble together a squad with their own signings.

This is the lack of coherence that people really mean. It’s not the signings themselves; though many were duds, every manager signs duds; most of these players are perfectly decent and, if so many look terrible, it’s worth asking why rather than just dismissing them as terrible players. Spare a thought for Seamus Coleman, who has played under nine different managers. The immortal Yes Minister speech about being a Keynesian and a Friedmanite, a grammar school preserver and destroyer, a nationalisation freak and a privatisation maniac, and above all, a “stark, staring, raving schizophrenic” comes to mind. We will obviously never know if any of those managers could’ve been saviours or the one to take Everton down, but firing them at the first sign of trouble is, in hindsight, the least coherent alternative they could’ve had.”

84 min A poor pass puts leaves Holgate stranded, so when Fornals bursts onto it, he has no chocie but to yank him down. He’s booked.

83 min Antonio has been decent today and he pulls left, finding himself level with Everton’s defensive line and just sticking the ball into the space behind it, putting himself in a race with Godfrey. But the defender races back and right when a shot is imminent, he slides in from the wrong side and with the wrong foot to keep Everton in the game. Brilliant challenge.

82 min Nice from Antonio who, collecting possession inside the box, picks a really nice ball for Fornals, down its right … only for him to shank a shot over the top.

80 min Rice pops up down the left and though he can’t quite get hold of the ball, the fact that he’s even out there tells us lots about him – that we already knew. He’s got a huge game on Thursday but he’s still running about like billy-o to win this one; he reminds me of Gary Nevile’s line about playing with Carrick and Scholes – it’s relaxing, because you know people are minding the back door.

79 min Calvert-Lewin did a sit and chuck training top to floor, which really taught it.

78 min Change for Everton, Gordon – who’s been impressive when I’ve seen him – replacing Calvert-Lewin, who hasn’t.

77 min Also in London, it’s the final of the boat race – Oxford and Cambridge made it yet again. Some run, this; Brian Clough would be delighted.

77 min This afternoon’s second Premier League game kicks-off in under an hour; follow all the buildup with Rob Smyth.

75 min On Wednesday night Everton travel to Burnley, who are four points behind them in the table. Lose that, and their fans really will start to believe.

74 min Richarlison has been Everton’s best player today and he wins a corner off Noble which Gray takes short, Iwobi playing him back in down the line … and he’s offside! The only thing more anger-inducing than that is a foul throw, and on the touchline, Lampard is disgusted.

72 min As a frequent contributor to these MBMs” says Richard Harris, “I feel I must offer Mary Waltz some words of comfort. Everton have a guaranteed three points next Saturday when Manchester United visit Goodison, and there are three teams even worse than they are who will be heading for the Championship. My advice would be a self-imposed media blackout until the end of May and then tune in to see who the Toffees are hoping to sign in the summer for the new PL campaign.”

That sounds like good advice, until the last bit.

71 min Mark Noble comes on for his 401st West Ham appearance; he replaces Bowen, who did as well as Moyes would’ve hoped. That’s still bad news for Everton, though, who now have to find an equaliser with 10 men and against a packed midfield.

69 min “My theory on the ;fire the manger’ quick-fix solution,” emails Mary Waltz. “Keep Lampard for a year or two. Is he a good manager? I have no idea. But at least the players would know they have to listen to him.”

As we’re seeing at Old Trafford, that is definitely a helpful state of affairs. I did, though, think Lampard was a strange appointment – his work at Derby and Chelsea did not speak well of him. If they go down, he can’t survive, but even if they stay up, I’m not sure what he’s bringing to things.

67 min Holgate is now centre-back in what I imagine is a 4-3-2.

67 min Cresswell with the free-kick, 25 yards out but more central, and again he goes for the near corner with the swerve, but this time it drifts just wide.

65 min This is getting tasty and Keane slides in late on Antonio, applying studs to metatarsal; he knows it’s a second yellow.

64 min It’s really stretched now, Dawson clattering Richarlison 40 yards out. Can Gray, who’s been quiet, find a telling delivery given a straight angle? Er, no.

63 min Everton are back in the ascendancy, but there aren’t many teams better able to punish them on the counter than West Ham.

62 min “Another reason for Everton’s demise,” reckons Yashu Gupta, “is them signing Arsenal flops like Walcott, Iwobi”.

I liked the looiks of Iwobi when he broke through – his ball-carrying was excellent – but yeah, he doesn’t seem much better now than he did then.

61 min Calvert-Lewin jinks towards the box – again, Fredericks is out of position – and again, he times his redemptive intervention perfectly, sliding in to make the challenge. It looks like a foul on first viewing, but the replys show that it was just a fine tackle.

While the going was good! Iwobi allows a simple square pass under his studs, Fornals rolls an instapass into the path of Antonio, and when Pickford comes out to pary his shot – the touch before it was a little heavy – the ball rebounds into the path of the onrushing Bowen, of course it does, who sidefoots into an empty net! Everton are back in the muck!

58 min Everton, on the other hand, are trying to make their point while the going’s good.

56 min Just before the goal, Moyes was on the touchline imploring his players to lift it. I daresay they’ll be hearing from him if they don’t improve, quicksmart.

55 min I can’t lie, when I talked about words of half-time inspiration from Lampard, I was joking. But credit where it’s due, his team have come out and got after it.

Fabianski flappyhandskis the corner away but not far, so Richarlison tips it back to Holgate, near the edge of the box. He adjusts feet and eyes really well to get knee over the ball, slicing across it too … but it’s the flick off Cresswell that takes it in into the far corner! Everton have their first away goal of 2022 and what a time to get it!

53 min Everton have started the half the better and though my SkyGo crashes, it returns in time for me to learn that Richarlison has forced a corner.

52 min Calvert-Lewin catches Soucek in the phizog with a flailing arm, but he’ll be fine.

51 min Rice flicks a ball off blind and Iwobi pounces, sticking a decent pass in behind for Calvert-Lewin. It’s not an easy chance or anything like it, but the finish is the kind you expect from someone with just one open-play goal since the opening day, and he rifles over the top and then some.

48 min In comms, they were saying that Evrton are trying their best, but the lack of quality is a problem; I’d say that it’s more a lack of conviction. They are trying, but there’s an intensity that comes with feeling confident in what you’re doing, and that’s what’s missing, I think.

47 min “Another reason for the Everton slide into oblivion,” returns Mary Waltz. “The constant manager carousel.”

Yes, although who might they have retained who’d have made things better?

46 min No changes for either side, but I doubt Lampard will give it long.